Change the way you think, change your world!

WHY do we do what we do? This is something that psychologists have been pondering for years and something that has recently occurred to me too. We have various behaviour patterns that we follow, without really thinking why we are doing it. Things like over eating, drinking too much, not taking any exercise perhaps, telling ourselves that we can't do whatever it is we would like to do, belittling ourselves, spending too much money, buying things we don't need, maybe even as the saying goes to impress those people who we don't even like at the end of the day. Why do we do that? Sometimes if we trace it far enough back we see that actually there is a pattern, maybe from an earlier time which has somehow stuck in our memories, making us the way we are. It also might be symptomatic of another underlying problem.

One lady (Alice) recently admitted that she spends too much money because she is embarrassed to say that she can't afford it, and because she flicks herself over into the other persons perspective and thinks that she wouldn't like it if it happened to her, she wants to please the other person and make them feel loved, so she buys things for people whether its' beyond her budget or not. She likes to treat people to things they like in the hope that they in turn will like her and accept her. Buying them things will make them feel good, she thinks so that's why she spends so much of her money on things she can ill afford. Also she admits there are things in life she would like to do, but because she's already spent her money she can't afford to do them. 

You might wonder what she has to gain from this, but actually by not having money, it keeps her safe, she doesn't have to face her fear of flying, she doesn't have to tell her elderly mother that she is going on holiday and so won't be around to meet her mothers needs for a week. She would also have to take responsibility for choosing her destination and for navigating her way safely around a new country. So by having lots of little things, she can effectively avoid the big things she really wants and needs and the responsibility that naturally accompanies them. 

Looking at your life, can you isolate the true cause of your actions? Do you over compensate for something or some one, or stay stuck to avoid the hassle of moving on, and reaching out and achieving your dreams? Do you talk about doing something but then not ever get round to doing it, because then you have to face something more scary? Do you dream of opening your own business but worry that actually it might not be a success and that you might be wasting your time and money, or that people might laugh at you? Or maybe even that your business takes off and reaches its potential, maybe surpasses it, leaving with you to deal with your ultimate fear, success?

 Do you put off writing that book because you are scared of no one wanting to read it, or of it being a global success and you not being able to shuffle to Spar in your slippers any more without having the paparazzi putting it in the national press? Both things are equally scary.

So this new year, as you ponder what you want your future to bring, both your immediate and distant future, consider WHY you want what you want. WHY you do what you do. If its simply a habit, like the habit many of us have of giving ourselves a rather negative running commentary, then please please change your voice to one of a loving mentor, so that this year you can get praise for your achievements and encouragement in times of things not going so well. Be nice to yourself, be less critical. Let go of things that you no longer need. Think when you're having another cream cake and another spoonful of sugar in your full fat latte. 

WHY am I doing this? What is the truth of the situation? Do you still even LIKE latte? Perhaps you could try a different drink, experiment a bit. Try a new recipe for dinner, buy a little less shopping. Buy less quanitiy and better quality of shopping? Go to a slightly better coffee shop and treat yourself to something truly indulgent but not every time, go less often but upgrade what you get when you're there so its more of a treat. 

Work out how much food you actually NEED. See what you're throwing away because its past its best before date, or because no one actually likes it. Work out how many days you need food for.  For years at christmas we have stocked trolley after trolley of food into our trolley, even though we had no intention of feeding the five thousand. Recently I discovered the truth of the situation, whilst our nearest supermarket was shut for two days over christmas, our next nearest one was only shut for one day, meaning that actually we didn't need any more than one days shopping to get us over Christmas. 

If you feel that you need to impress your friends all the time, that you have to provide them with posh nosh and lots of trimmings every time they come over, because thats what they do for you, consider changing what you do when you meet, or offer them a lighter easier meal os you can spend more time with them, or change your friends. They should love you for how you are, and who you are, if they don't then they're not worth it and you should swap them for someone who can see your value. You are worth only the best and its time to make 2013 the best year yet!