Who is holding you back from changing? Is it someone who wouldn't approve of the change you're trying to make? Like in the cases of addiction, addicts usually need to break free of other addicts in order to become clean. You may need to move away from other people who do the behaviour you're trying to change. Trying to loose weight and hanging around with lots of people who tend to overeat is going to make it difficult for you to make the change you need to make. Toning down an indulgent spending habit might mean choosing friends who know how to live more frugally rather than with people who drink champagne like it is tap water. If you're looking for a higher powered job, you might get resistance from family members who are secretly scared of you changing and leaving them behind.
Some people have their safety mode set too close to 'safe' that they don't try new things, visit new places or embrace change as it doesn't seem 'safe'. These people who have their settings set close to safe can end up resenting anyone who dares break their chains and try new foods, places, people and experiences.
Who are you copying? What purpose does it serve for you to follow someone else's patterns or script when you don't believe it to be authentic to you? is it purely an excuse to remain stuck? Could they be inwardly despairing of you clutching onto the same rock as them. Do they really wish that they had the guts to set themselves free? Would it be that if you took the leap of faith and set yourself free that they would follow suit and set themselves free too, leading fulfilling lives for themselves?
Are there people in your life who can only cope when things are going wrong in your life? Who is there for your good times? Find more time for those people who are there in your good times and move away from those who like to keep you in a keep of disarray. Listen to the way people talk, if they give away vast amounts of information about other people that is clearly confidential, chances are they will do this about you too
Remember not to give up when changing any behaviour. We learned to walk, run and roller skate by constantly falling over and getting back up again, so whether you are aiming to eat more healthily, do more exercise, give up smoking, loose weight, be tidier and more organised etc, there are still bound to be loads of times when we just want to have a cream cake, smoke a cigarette, take a taxi rather than walk, or miss a day at the gym. When this happens simply continue with your original plan, and don't worry too much, at the end of the day we're all only human. Giving up is not the answer, and certainly don't feel you have to start again at the beginning you don't. You have got this far, you don't have to start again at the beginning, you simply get back on whereever you 'fell off' and continue. Instead of beating yourself up for any mistakes and relapses keep rewarding yourself for little achievements. Loose a couple of pounds, treat yourself to a magazine or something, don't wait till you've dropped to your ideal weight or lost a stone before you recognise your achievements.
If you always ask the same questions you will always get the same answers in a similar way to if you do the same things you will get the same results. So try making a little change. Whether it is having a bigger breakfast so you're not wanting to snack all morning, or getting organised the night before so that you're not rushing in the morning. Once the small change becomes a routine, you can add in another small change and so on until the changes you want to make are complete.
If you are used to having a 'hit' when you do a particular behaviour (like over eating, over spending etc) you will need to find a way of getting your 'hit' in a different way. Work out the emotion you are trying to create or avoid depending what it is you're doing. Then find a different way of getting this hit so it is detatched from the behaviour. If you want to have a happy high, and you usually get that from say chocolate, but you also love horse-riding, or running or whatever, go horse-riding or running instead. For me my biggest high has to be to do with website design in its various formats. I love looking at a newly published page, ready and waiting for the reader to read. It beats chocolate hands down, and even better is completely fat free!!
With any change comes adjustments. If you've always had a cigarette after a meal, you will need to create a new habit to replace the old one, or you will simply go onto auto pilot and have a cigarette after meals. If you always have lots of alcohol after work on a friday with your mates from work, and you want to change the habit of always having a hangover on a saturday morning, you will need to either find something to do to replace the drinking or to do an alternative activity at that time which doesn't involve drinking. It may take time for you to make the adjustments and also for the people around you to adjust to the new way of doing things. It will come you just need to give it time.
Don't forget that you can't change anyone else but yourself. However changing yourself and the way you interact with those around you can help the other person change their attitude to you. Each of us can change the whole world by changing the way we interact with our own tiny bit of it. If we all did our bit we could bring about big changes in the world.
The way you react to a person dictates the way that they in turn will respond to you. Make sure you have a clear and accurate picture of who they are so you can react to them properly. Many problems are caused when a person gets a set (but inaccurate) picture of the other person and reacts accordingly.
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