Life

Take a moment and look at the beauty that surrounds you.

Life is a funny thing isn't it? We start off life feeling like everyone is here purely for our benefit. We expect that we will get all our needs met, simply by letting out a little wail and being exceptionally cute. Over time this feeling tends to wear off, and be replaced with a great feeling of inadequacy.

We tend to start comparing ourselves with others, usually negatively, until we cripple ourselves with anxiety, and feel that we can't achieve much for fear of failure, or of someone laughing at us, or in case it all goes wrong at some point. When we're children we often have quite lofty ambitions, we want to be astronauts, brain surgeons, or world leaders. We want to be the one to change the world.

Then we get told to take a reality check, that you can't do what you want to do, only A grade students get to be brain surgeons, that only the chosen few get to be astronauts. We get talked out of every good idea we have, we get told to be realistic and get a safe job. Why? Why do we have to get a sensible job? Why can't we reach for our ambitions?

When we are little we are so proud of scraping a few notes on a violin, or clumsily thumping out a tune of a few notes on a piano, but by the time we get older  we feel we have to be a virtuoso, be grade 8 standard, or not mention our musical talents. Being modest is seen to be a vital trait. Bigging yourself and your abilities up isn't. We fear failure, even if we haven't got a working definition of failure to hand.

We feel pleased with ourselves until we see that the neighbours has got a bigger car, a nicer house, a better job than us, and then the inadequacy kicks in again. If we could just stop comparing ourselves to each other, and finding ourselves distinctly lacking, we would all do so much better. We feel that everyone else has a perfect life, with their clever, perfect children and kind, intelligent wives, hard working husbands, and immaculate houses.

When we look at our own life in comparison, seeing the crumbs on the floor, the children who can't sleep, the husband or wife that is cheating on us, the fact that the dog seems to pee anywhere but the garden and the inadequacy kicks in again. We don't see that the other person has their own issues and problems. They might have nice things and a nice big debt to go with it. They might just be better at managing their money than you, there is always that too! They might be flying off halfway around the world three times a year but they don't have what you have. No one is completely free from problems, some are simply just better at hiding it than others.

Some people suffer from illnesses. Long term illnesses, some people have hidden illnesses that make them look to the outside world the same as everyone else, yet they're not, they are in pain, or have mental health issues and yet because they look ok we assume (wrongly of course) that they are disorganized or lazy, without finding out why they are like they are. We fill in the gaps in our knowledge with little stories, often stories that aren't true.

The best way to have a good life, is to make a point of not comparing yourself to anyone else. You are an unique individual, no one else is going to have a life like your life. You need to aim to follow your own path, doing the things that makes you happy, and helping others as often as you can along the way. If your neighbour gets a new tv, a new car or a new wife, don't feel inadequate, simply enjoy what you have and upgrade when the time is right. (*you might not need to upgrade your wife, of course*)

Remember all the things you are good at, and remember to get your own needs met, at least some of the time. Try not to give or take too much of the time. Achieve a balance in all that you do.