7 Steps to recovery from Over Spending, Over Eating and Over Buying!

Step 1:  Acceptance.

Even when you're on a diet you're still going to indulge a little. 

Whether you have gained too much weight, got too much clutter or spent too much money, the first step to recovery has to be to acknowledge that this is the situation that you're currently in, it didn't happen overnight, and it won't last for ever. Beating yourself up isn't a good idea because it doesn't change anything, apart from making you feel worse about the situation. So instead we need to move to..
 
Step 2. Perspective: How bad is it really? Finding out the whole truth of the situation gives us a starting point for moving forward. So now is the time to be brave and take a good hard look at what the truth of the situation actually is. If you're in a difficult financial situation, get all your bank statements, credit card statements, store card statements, and any other financial paperwork and write down exactly how much you owe to each ( and if appropriate when the next minimum payment is due and how much that is). Calculate how much you owe in total, and the amount of any current account balance (whether it's over drawn or with a positive balance) This is perspective! If you have too much clutter, maybe take some photographs of each room and print them out so you can see clearly where you're at right now. If weight is your issue, then weigh yourself and write this down on a piece of paper. Now we know where you're starting from we can move to...

Step 3: Fire fighting. Is there something you can do today to make a difference? This could be to cut up credit cards apart from one necessary one, pay off some of your debt with a balance from another account, match the minimum payments (maybe exceed the minimum if appropriate) It could be contacting the citizens advice bureau for help, moving credit card balance to a 0% apr account if your trouble is financial. 

If you are needing to declutter, it could mean sorting out one small area, the most important area maybe the work top in the kitchen, so you have a small space to work. If your problem is weight related it could be to throw out any junk food that you might have lurking temptingly in a cupboard and to buy some fresh healthy products, go for a short walk and drink some water. Whatever you do, it needs to prevent the problem from becoming any worse in the immediate future. Now you've stopped the situation getting any worse, you can move to....

Step 4:Taking back control. Now you've found a way of stopping the problem getting any worse, its time to look how we can take back control. This could be to diagnose troublesome hotspots, for instance you might spend a lot of money buying snacks and meals out because you plan your day to be out at meal times. with a little organization, you could plan to take food with you, or eat when you get back or before you go, thus taking away the need for eating out. 

You could take sandwiches to work, or buy a cafetiere and some coffee and make your own proper coffee's at work. Find a cheaper coffee shop to buy your coffee, or use a loyalty card so that your next coffee is free.  Take homemade popcorn to the cinema if you're allowed to. Check to see if your mobile has any associated customer offers available, some have a list of partners who offer discounts, well worth checking out. You could combine trips to use less fuel, getting a travel card for the bus, the train or the tube, thus saving both time and money. 

You could look at your list of direct debits and see if there is any that you could do without. 

• That gym membership which you never use? Cancel it! 
• The magazines you never have time to read? Cancel the direct debit! 
• Shop around for bigger items, there are websites which will tell you which is the current cheapest price for the item you're after. 
• Check you're on the best possible tariff for your telephone, mobile, gas and electricity bills. Use a comparison site to check if your home and car insurance is still the best possible rate. 
• Make sure that your needs are still current. People change their lifestyle but not necessarily their tariffs for things like telephones. If you don't use a particular facility you might be able to downgrade to a lower tariff. 
• Be more mindful with money, take cash out each week - its easy to think 'stuff it' and let the credit card take the strain, it's much harder to spend too much when you have to hand over cold hard cash.

  If weight is your issue, 

• walk part or all of the way to work, 
• take your bike,  
• go for a swim during your lunch break.  
• Make a few tweaks to your diet, make sure you eat breakfast as this is the most important meal of the day and will bump start your metabolism. 
• Drink plenty of water and increase your exercise output.

If clutter is your issue, develop a habit of only buying things that you LOVE. If you don't LOVE it LEAVE it! Take a look at one area of your home/ office and start to properly look at each item. Do you LOVE it? Do you USE it? Do you NEED it? If you don't love it, use it or need it, then get rid of it. If it's worth something try selling it on an auction site, or at a car boot sale or via a private listing in the newsagent or supermarket or paper. If it's worth something to someone but not worth the hassle of putting it on an auction site (check with the auction site to see what price other similar items are fetching currently, if its only pence or a couple of pounds then it's possibly not worth the hassle) then send it to the charity shop. 

The challenge is to get it off the premises TODAY! Don't put things in piles by the front door, you'll forget to take them in. If you get it off the premises today, you'll have a tiny space and a feeling of accomplishment. If you need extra help with letting items go, then you might need to enlist the help of a friend, neighbour or even a professional decluttering company, if appropriate. If you feel a friend might like an item, ask them, but insist that they give you an answer today and collect it in the next couple of days, or you will get rid of it, and stick to this! Learn to say no when people say 'oh I have this for you' Unless you want it, need it or are likely to use it, politely decline! You have a right to live in a clutter free environment if you wish. The same goes for gifts, a gift is only a gift if it is wanted, otherwise it is clutter and needs to go! 

Step 5: Owning up. What is the REAL problem? Many of us over eat, over spend, over shop. Why do we do this? What is the real emotion that you're trying to drown out? 

What feelings are you trying to recreate by over spending/ over eating/ over buying? Is there something perhaps from your early life that you're trying to over compensate from? It could be that when you were little you weren't allowed to spend money on things so now you have to spend spend spend? Or maybe you were told that you were a good girl for eating up your dinner so you eat eat eat because you're wanting to feel good again. 

Maybe eating or spending or hoarding gives you comfort or security. Maybe it allows you to have a breathing space from your problems. All you can feel is the taste of that chocolate cake slipping down your throat, so you don't have to think about the fact that your partner is cheating on you, or that your job bores you, or that your boss never gives you praise these days?

 Having stuff means that you don't have space to think about the things you'd rather not think about? Or maybe it means that actually you don't have to invite people in when they knock on your door because you're embarrassed about the mess, but that's a good thing because then you don't have to let them see that you're not perfect in some way? Maybe it keeps them at arms length (at a 'safe' distance).

Do you really feel angry, sad, lonely, hurt, lacking in self esteem, unworthy of better? Jealous of people who are rich / slim / tidy? 

What feelings come up when you think of someone who is the opposite of you? This would be worth examining because we often keep ourselves firmly stuck due to (often outdated) negative beliefs about a person who displays the opposite characteristics to us. By over spending, over eating, over buying are you self medicating, hoping that the more you spend the more you put a distance between yourself and the real problem you're trying to avoid? It might provide a short term fix but unfortunately in the long term it's destructive. If you're over eating, spending, or buying, you will find that the short term high is usually replaced very quickly with a feeling of dread, feeling low or despair. Leaving you feeling like beating yourself up again for being so stupid in the first place. So, if you can uncover the true emotion, you could offer yourself a longer term fix. 

Ask yourself 'what do I truly want? what do I need?' write down your answers, it can help to use your non-dominant hand to do this. Find a way of giving yourself what you really need and what you really want, and hopefully some of the need to over eat, over spend and over buy will dissipate. 

 If you over spend, are you actually not assertive enough to say no to those you love? Do you flip yourself over and look at it from their point of view? Do you want the other person to like you, so you give them whatever they want even if at the bottom of your heart you can't afford it or don't think that the request they're making is worth the amount written on the label? If you fall into the trap of always trying to please other people, you will end up feeling resentful, especially as they may not in turn want to please you. So learn to say no, and mean it. Or offer them the money for the item, it's surprising how people want to spend your money on an item when they wouldn't spend their money on it!! 

Step 6: Moving on to a sustainable, happy lifestyle
Now that you've established the truth of the situation, it's time to put into place strategies for maintaining a stress-free, sustainable future, where you don't fall back into the trap of over spending, over eating, and over buying. 

This involves a little planning. Make sure you plan trips into town either well before or just after lunch, saving you the need to treat the whole family to lunch out. Sort out a budget, so that you can see where your money is being spent and how much you're going to have for the month. Take cash out of the cash point for shopping, fuel, etc.

 Set up direct debits or standing orders so that bills get paid on time and that you put a regular amount of money to one side for savings. Plan your weeks meals and shop when you're not hungry or tired. Find other things to do with your time than the things that you spent most of your money on. Nights in can be just as good as nights out. 

Shuffle furniture about in your house rather than necessarily buying new stuff. Remember to factor in money for treats, holidays, and of course for paying off debts. Try to do it so that you don't add anything onto your cards. So take them out of your purse and put them out of the way unless you know you definitely need them.

 Factor exercise into your day.  You might find that it works better doing exercise at the start of the day or doing it as part of your day like cycling or walking to work, or doing some stretches before your morning shower. 

Take healthy snacks to work and eat regularly. Drink plenty of water. Buy only what you need, whether it's furniture, trinkets or food. Get a membership to an instant film club rather than buy lots of dvd's that will cause clutter and not be watched again. 

Invite friends over for a bbq or a bottle of wine and nibbles. Ask them to bring things with them so it doesn't cost you that much. Find other ways to make yourself happy. Be happy with what you have, rather than concentrating on what you haven't got. 

Even the most modest home can look amazing if it's well cared for. Keeping it clean can make all the difference to how you feel about the place. Set up systems for dealing with washing, the children's book bags and P.E kits, toys, games and other children's belongings. 

Start a system where you put things away after you've used them, you clean the bath and the loo after you've used it, you throw away one or more items when you get a new one. If you have particular places where junk tends to end up, buy a nice vase and fill it with flowers or pot pourri so it doesn't end up being covered in junk again! 

Step 7: Know how to get back on the wagon, should you fall off it!  Whatever new habit you're trying to form, there will be times when you slip back into old ways. That's fine, you're human. So pick yourself up and start over again. Tell yourself that you're only human and that it happens, and then start back on your healthy eating and exercise plan, declutter the cluttered area, or recommit to your careful spending plan.

Good luck!!!

Finding the truth of the situation

We need to get to the 'root' of the matter.

Looking at anyone else's life we might assume that they have a perfect life, that they've a great job, a loving family ,a fast car, lots of confidence, no family problems and no money worries. 

But what is the actual truth? If we look under the surface and get to know them better we realise that actually whilst they're speaking at conferences and flying around the world, they too are so over come with nerves that they feel physically sick. That they worry that they might not reach the mark that their boss is expecting or might not meet their sales targets for the week. That they missed their child's end of term concert because they had to do something for work and they're beating themselves up for not being there. 

We find that actually their seemingly loving husband is controlling, or unreasonable in some way. That their lifestyle they have chosen is hard to maintain because their friends expect so much of them. We find that they have hopes, fears, dreams, and phobias just like us. 

They might not share exactly the same hopes fears dreams and phobias as you but somewhere under all the flashy exterior there is a human being wanting to be accepted and loved, just like the rest of us. So instead of judging someone by their outward appearances and feeling inadequate in comparison, see the true person who lies within.

Change the way you think, change your world!

WHY do we do what we do? This is something that psychologists have been pondering for years and something that has recently occurred to me too. We have various behaviour patterns that we follow, without really thinking why we are doing it. Things like over eating, drinking too much, not taking any exercise perhaps, telling ourselves that we can't do whatever it is we would like to do, belittling ourselves, spending too much money, buying things we don't need, maybe even as the saying goes to impress those people who we don't even like at the end of the day. Why do we do that? Sometimes if we trace it far enough back we see that actually there is a pattern, maybe from an earlier time which has somehow stuck in our memories, making us the way we are. It also might be symptomatic of another underlying problem.

One lady (Alice) recently admitted that she spends too much money because she is embarrassed to say that she can't afford it, and because she flicks herself over into the other persons perspective and thinks that she wouldn't like it if it happened to her, she wants to please the other person and make them feel loved, so she buys things for people whether its' beyond her budget or not. She likes to treat people to things they like in the hope that they in turn will like her and accept her. Buying them things will make them feel good, she thinks so that's why she spends so much of her money on things she can ill afford. Also she admits there are things in life she would like to do, but because she's already spent her money she can't afford to do them. 

You might wonder what she has to gain from this, but actually by not having money, it keeps her safe, she doesn't have to face her fear of flying, she doesn't have to tell her elderly mother that she is going on holiday and so won't be around to meet her mothers needs for a week. She would also have to take responsibility for choosing her destination and for navigating her way safely around a new country. So by having lots of little things, she can effectively avoid the big things she really wants and needs and the responsibility that naturally accompanies them. 

Looking at your life, can you isolate the true cause of your actions? Do you over compensate for something or some one, or stay stuck to avoid the hassle of moving on, and reaching out and achieving your dreams? Do you talk about doing something but then not ever get round to doing it, because then you have to face something more scary? Do you dream of opening your own business but worry that actually it might not be a success and that you might be wasting your time and money, or that people might laugh at you? Or maybe even that your business takes off and reaches its potential, maybe surpasses it, leaving with you to deal with your ultimate fear, success?

 Do you put off writing that book because you are scared of no one wanting to read it, or of it being a global success and you not being able to shuffle to Spar in your slippers any more without having the paparazzi putting it in the national press? Both things are equally scary.

So this new year, as you ponder what you want your future to bring, both your immediate and distant future, consider WHY you want what you want. WHY you do what you do. If its simply a habit, like the habit many of us have of giving ourselves a rather negative running commentary, then please please change your voice to one of a loving mentor, so that this year you can get praise for your achievements and encouragement in times of things not going so well. Be nice to yourself, be less critical. Let go of things that you no longer need. Think when you're having another cream cake and another spoonful of sugar in your full fat latte. 

WHY am I doing this? What is the truth of the situation? Do you still even LIKE latte? Perhaps you could try a different drink, experiment a bit. Try a new recipe for dinner, buy a little less shopping. Buy less quanitiy and better quality of shopping? Go to a slightly better coffee shop and treat yourself to something truly indulgent but not every time, go less often but upgrade what you get when you're there so its more of a treat. 

Work out how much food you actually NEED. See what you're throwing away because its past its best before date, or because no one actually likes it. Work out how many days you need food for.  For years at christmas we have stocked trolley after trolley of food into our trolley, even though we had no intention of feeding the five thousand. Recently I discovered the truth of the situation, whilst our nearest supermarket was shut for two days over christmas, our next nearest one was only shut for one day, meaning that actually we didn't need any more than one days shopping to get us over Christmas. 

If you feel that you need to impress your friends all the time, that you have to provide them with posh nosh and lots of trimmings every time they come over, because thats what they do for you, consider changing what you do when you meet, or offer them a lighter easier meal os you can spend more time with them, or change your friends. They should love you for how you are, and who you are, if they don't then they're not worth it and you should swap them for someone who can see your value. You are worth only the best and its time to make 2013 the best year yet!