Why don't we play anymore?

Last night my teenage daughters were doing their homework for their BTEC in Health and Social Care. They were asked to ask a family member for a list of things they used to do as a child, and a list of the things they do now as an adult, and to compare and contrast the two things. So I set about writing my list. Remembering many happy hours climbing trees, playing with toys, creating things just for the sake of creating things, sewing, painting, writing stories, playing out with friends, baking things (mainly to sell to my poor disgruntled parents who were not overly happy at having to pay for things that I'd created out of the ingredients that they'd been the ones to buy in the first place!) We used to spend many happy hours playing tig in the garden or a variation on the theme of this called Blockee which basically is where people hide, and try to get back to base before the person who is 'it' sees you. Great game, especially if you play it at night with a torch.

These days my life is littered with a series of repetitive tasks, such as work, housework, cleaning,  cooking, shopping, paying bills etc. A lot of the stuff that I do outside of my 'grown up duties' tend to be nothing terribly exciting. How has this happened? What happened to my younger self who believed that life was full of infinite possibilities?

 If my teenage self could see me now, there would be serious trouble. She'd be shocked! I had ambitions. I was going to live abroad. In fact at one point my ambition in life was to live somewhere hot and sunny so I could sit and sip cocktails all day under a palm tree. Then I had children and suddenly my ambitions changed, overnight my only burning ambition was to go to the loo unaccompanied and to drink an entire hot cup of tea. I still have a bit of a desire to travel through Europe, but not the fast route. No what I fancy doing is setting off one summer, and traveling down through England (taking some of the more scenic routes, stopping off for coffee along the way, maybe taking in a museum here and an exhibition or festival there. Then hopping either on a ferry or on the Eurostar and going down through France, Germany, Italy, Austria, Poland etc, and then coming back a slightly different route. Again stopping off and finding the fun things to do on the way, not rushing and certainly not just flying down the motorway. No, making it a real journey instead. An adventure even.

I'd also like to go to America, I can't make my mind up between San Francisco, New York, or Texas. I am avoiding LA at all costs because I like food and I hear that it's not the fashion to eat that much in LA!

I really believe that we only grow old when we loose track of our younger selves, and who we are at our very essence. We seem to spend so long trying to strive to be grown up, but what does this mean? Does it mean that we have to give up playing because we've grown up? I don't think so, I think we can still play, albeit with different toys. We can choose to be playful and creative with what we do in life, we can bring playfulness and creativity into our lives at work (unless of course you work in a factory where you have to put a set part in a set place or if you're a brain surgeon. I doubt there are many opportunities for a brain surgeon to be truly creative at work, you can't suddenly decide to rearrange the way the brain is laid out, can you? *tempting though this would be* )

You can add an element of playfulness into your life by taking a different route to work, going somewhere new, booking a holiday of a lifetime (no, please don't send me the bill!) listening to a new genre of music, taking up a new hobby, going to a different style restaurant than you would normally choose, learning a new language, or just playing like you used to play. Buy yourself a pack of coloured pencils and a colouring book or sketch pad and just play. Write a piece of fiction, or a poem. Make a den. These days you will probably have a bigger budget so the den you build could be in a whole room of your house, and be up permanently. Go for delicious colours, warm textures, cosy hues, comfort, or make it simply a fun place to hang out after a long day at work. ....I dare you!

Is 'helping' your child helping them at all?

Does over-helping your child render him/her helpless?

These days our children get a comfy ride throughout childhood. Parents attempt to cushion their children from anything unpleasant which is a very sweet thought, but is it actually doing them any good? When I was a child, I was encouraged to play out (no mobile phones in those days), I rode my bike without a helmet, climbed trees, ate things straight from the plant, made fires, and was able to cook from scratch a Sunday Roast dinner, by the time I was 9 years old. If I did my homework that was fabulous, if I didn't I got into trouble, big trouble.

These days children don't have the same kinds of freedom, we put cycle helmets on them in case they hurt their heads, there are even things on the market to stop them bumping their heads on furniture, and wet wipe warmers so they don't have the indignity of having a cold wet wipe on their delicate derrieres. we keep them indoors in case the bogey man gets them, we wash everything and use antibacterial sprays to keep them 'safe'. No child these days gets left alone long enough to light a fire in a wood! It just wouldn't happen. If we do let them out, it's with a mobile phone, or with parental supervision, or both. Only yesterday I heard of a teenage boy, who was in high school who can't make toast! Yes you heard me right, he's 15 years old and can't make toast!

Why is it possible that some teenagers can't even make themselves a simple meal such as toast? Why are we not teaching them to be self-sufficient from an early age? Why are we not letting them experience life where they learn for themselves how to solve problems, keep themselves safe, look after themselves? Why do we only let them use blunt knives, when they can achieve far greater things if you teach them to (safely and with supervision) use a proper sharp knife from an early age? Why do we not encourage them to experiment and find their own solutions to problems rather than always stepping in and offering them solutions to each little thing? The school curriculum seems to be geared up so that they can only think of things that have already been thought of before, rather than coming up with creative solutions to every day problems.

I suppose I am as guilty as the rest though, there have been times when I've stepped in not wanting one of my children to get into trouble, so have solved their problems for them, without letting them experience the consequence of what would happen if they didn't say do their homework. Oh yes I've packed school bags so that they have the right books, I've run around finding PE kit, hell I've even taken lost/forgotten items into school when needed. Well not any more. I am going to let them learn the hard way, I'm going to have to be cruel to be kind, as my dad used to say. I am going to let them learn by their mistakes, but also teach them to stand on their own two feet.

Why we should stop talking about Cancer (and any other disease we'd like to eradicate)

These days Cancer is widespread, and a day doesn't go by without either coming across another advert for a Cancer charity, or finding out someone close has got it, in some form or another. The more we hear about it, the more we talk about it, and this is what worries me. A lot. If you follow any of the teaching of the Law of Attraction, the more we focus on something, the more we get of that very thing. The things that we focus on we draw to ourselves. Therefore, following that kind of logic, we should have complete radio silence on the subject.

Cancer of course is a very sad disease, not only for the sufferer but also the family and friends of the sufferer. My mother has fought (and won) cancer twice now, and it was a traumatizing time for us all. But in recent times I have been thinking more about the causes and treatments of cancer. Currently cancer treatments are very strong, producing a multitude of unpleasant side effects. Whether the side effects are there to prove to the patient that they are working and are powerful because they've also had these side effects, I am unsure. There must be a simpler, more effective treatment. A cheaper alternative, that doesn't completely wreck the spirit and body of the patient. Something gentle and nurturing that nurses the patient back to health, rather than ripping them to shreds internally, making their hair drop out maybe, or leaving them nauseous and inducing profuse vomiting. Bicarbonate of Soda sometimes is suggested as a treatment for cancer, the theory being that it counteracts the acidity in the body, but yet you don't see this as used in the main stream do you?

  No one seems to look at the patient as a whole. As a person. I am a great believer in seeing people as, well ~ people! Not just a lump here or a disease here. But as a whole. What would happen if we delved a little deeper, what trauma's has the patient been through during their life? Are they clutching on to an emotional hurt that has formed a negative mass within them? Have they got anger towards the affected area? No seriously. Look deeper into the reason why the cancer formed in the first place?

If you are a spiritual believer you might feel that it has something to do with the learning curve of the patient, something do to with a life-time lesson  etc.

I was at a creative writing class one day a few years ago and in the middle of the tea break we were talking to each other about what we did for a living, and one lady said that she was a hypnotist, and had used self-hypnosis on herself (obviously) and had managed to 'cure' herself of cancer. Our jaws all dropped. How is it possible to hypnotize yourself, let alone cure yourself from cancer by doing so? We were all intrigued and our poor teacher struggled to get us back on task that afternoon. The lady said that she had had to investigate some deep emotional issues from her past, and deal with them at a deep level, and once she did this, the cancer vanished. She used visualization techniques to imagine the cancer slowly packing it's bags and leaving her body. If this kind of thing works, why doesn't more of it become available on the NHS?

If the whole world worked part time...

Some people work 40 hours a week, some work part time and others don't work, for whatever reason. There are currently millions of people throughout the world that are not working, and millions of other people who are working so many hours a week that their families barely recognise them. The fast food industry is thriving, because people are working so hard that they haven't time/ energy any more to cook healthy food from scratch. Hospitals are flooded with heart disease cases and the obese.

Gyms are thriving, people are spending more and more time pounding the treadmill, to get rid of the weight that they've gained in recent years. Stress is at an all time high. People are scampering around like hamsters, trying to keep up with daily life, and getting in increasing amounts of debt, either financial debt or sleep debt. Parents are spending less time with their children than ever before, because pressures of work are mounting. Sounds awful doesn't it? What if there were another way? A way where everyone get to enjoy hobbies and interests because they have the time to do so? Where no one is getting too stressed because of work?

Where all people work a maximum of say 25 hours a week. But how it works is that the budget for other departments is cut, giving people a top up so that they don't loose any money. This money can come from the health budget because if people have more time to pursue their hobbies see their families, have a lie in or a long lunch occasionally chances are they wouldn't need so much in the line of health care. It can come from the obesity clinics budget because people will be able to go and home cook meals, maybe even grow a few vegetables or two, thus keeping slimmer and fitter than ever before. More people would have jobs therefore you wouldn't have to pay so much out in unemployment benefit, this can go to the workers top up benefit.

People are forever paying out for parking, traveling costs, lunches, uniform or dry cleaning bills, if they could do this on even one less day a week, then they might even save some money. What do you think?

7 Tips for a better life

Take time each day to do something you love. I love art and painted this! 

1. Create a beautiful, supportive, day to day living environment. Even on a very tight budget you can do this by keeping your home sparkling clean, and making those living in your house feel warm, loved and listened to. A few very simple and often inexpensive touches, like having a some candles or a pretty table lamp and a warm blanket can add a feeling of warmth and comfort to your environment.  This is more important than having lovely things. Having lovely things is simply a bonus. It is the warmth and supportiveness of the home environment that is important here. Taking time each day to listen to the people you live with, and to truly understand what matters to them can make all the difference. If you do this you are effectively creating a warm supportive living environment where your home becomes a sanctuary away from the stresses and strains of daily life.

2. Give yourself permission to do those things you'd like to do but are too scared to do. We all have things that we feel too scared to do, whether it is apply for a promotion or pay rise, take up a new hobby or sport, speak at a conference, tackle the noisy neighbours about their constant late night partying, write a book, or throw a party for people we don't know very well.

 Firstly work out what you're scared of? If you're applying for a promotion you might be scared that you are told that you're not qualified enough for it, or it might be given to your colleague instead, and suddenly you're having doubts about whether or not you're good enough to apply for it.

Write down your fears, and then write next to it all the possible outcomes and what action you would take for each outcome. Say for instance you get told you can't have the promotion because you need more training or experience before you can move to the next level. In this instance you could discuss with your senior management what skills, training or knowledge you need to gain before reapplying and then you could go and get the skills knowledge or training that you need. So you're still moving forward. If the promotion goes to your particularly annoying colleague it's not the end of the world you have two choices here you could either find a way to work amicably with her, or find a different job elsewhere, maybe move departments.

 If you write yourself a list of possibly alternative courses of action you will be able to see that it is not so scary after all. Once you've worked out all the possible outcomes and your plan of action for each, you might feel confident enough to give it a go.

3. Get a team of people to help you. You don't need to be good at everything. It is ok to have things that you're good at and other things that you're not so good at. If you're good at something spend time concentrating on that particular thing and outsource other things you find more difficult to someone who enjoys doing that particular thing. Spend the majority of your time doing things you love.

4. Only respond to questions that are relevant, and to the phone when it's a call that you want to take.
We spend far too much time answering irrelevant questions, and answering telephone calls that aren't important. Learn to screen out of your life things that aren't important. Concentrate on the phone calls you want to make and the questions you want to answer. If you really don't want to answer the question, ask the person another question, as a distraction tactic. Same goes for meetings that basically involve lots of hot air being produced and no action. Only do the things in life that make a difference.

5. Take time for yourself and make sure you put your own health and happiness first. How selfish! I hear you cry. No absolutely not, if you prioritize your own needs you will feel happier and healthier in the long run. Make sure that you always make a space in your day to do something you love. It doesn't matter too much what this is. It could be talking to a friend, drinking a latte, writing something, going for a swim, taking a long hot bubble bath, reading a book, paper or magazine, playing on the internet, drawing something, doing sport, yoga, or simply doing nothing. Yes NOTHING. Why we've been programmed to constantly fill our days with stuff is beyond me. It is ok to sit and simply do nothing for a short time each day. Simply be. If you keep your own happiness levels up, the whole family will be happier. It is also good for families to see that you too have needs. It can give them a real buzz knowing that they've helped you or that you are following your hobbies and dreams. See having a hair cut, a manicure, or a massage as an essential maintenance treat rather than an indulgence. You are important too.

6. Do your pleasures first. Sometimes we get so bogged down in going to work, looking after the kids and cleaning, shopping and cooking that we can't find time to do things we love. There is a simple answer to this which involves doing the fun things first each day. If you get the things you like to do in early enough it gives you enough of a boost to sail through the other things you need to do that day.

Try to spend some time each day out of doors.

7. Spend some time each day outdoors. Spending time outdoors be it walking the dog, taking the children to the park, going for a jog, weeding the garden, or simply enjoying your morning coffee sitting on the patio, is essential as it boosts the spirits and if you're doing something like walking jogging or gardening also counts towards your exercise requirements. Time outdoors is far more uplifting than sweating away in a gym.

What do YOU do?

In my spare time I enjoy photography, what do YOU do?

I must admit, I always get a bit baffled by the question 'What do you do?' I always feel like replying 'What do I do WHEN?' Don't you think it's a bit bizarre that many people work around 8 hours a day, sleep for 8 hours a night, thus leaving an extra 8 hours of free time. Yet no one seems interested in what you do for the 8 hours of your free time a day. Or what you 'do' when you can't sleep? Do you get up and make yourself a hot drink? Read a book? Start doing the ironing? Make a list? Sit  there and toss and turn until dawn breaks? What do you do when you suffer rejection or a set back in life?  What do you do to relax and unwind? What hobbies do you have? What do you do when you get stressed? or angry? or upset? These things tell us so much more about the person we're speaking to, than what job to you have. Unless of course you're trying to work out whether or not the other person has enough incomings to keep you in the style to which you'd like to become accustomed, the question 'what do you do' when referring to work, is completely irrelevant.

I'd rather talk about dreams, about plans and ambitions, about memories and experiences, about goals, and targets, than what a person does as a job. Some of the most interesting people you'll meet are likely to have jobs that are dull as ditchwater. Some students paying their way through university have simple low paid, low status jobs, so if you judge them on their job they're not going to score highly, however they are making a better life for themselves, they're reaching out for their dream and drawing it to them, unlike some of the people who are stuck in high paid, high status jobs who are simply getting through each day until it's the weekend or until they're allowed to retire. Some people working in coffee shops are doing other things, maybe trying to make a career for themselves in something more creative, yet working a coffee shop as a regular source of income so they too can pursue their dreams.

Change the routine, change the outcome a.k.a 'The domino effect'

Like these stones. Habits pile up.

We spend a good proportion of our lives doing mundane things on autopilot. If we didn't chances are we'd probably go mad having to make conscious decisions about absolutely everything. However, it's these unconscious decisions that cause us to form habits. We do things well just because we do things! It's simply what we do. Whether this is getting to work and automatically going to the staff kitchen to make a coffee, and adding milk and two sugars (because that's what you 'do') or going for a jog before breakfast, because that's what you do, it's all simply habit.

What do you do first in a morning? Do you always come downstairs, make the same hot drink, and drink it in the same place? I tend to come down, make a cup of tea, and take it back to bed, where I drink it snuggled under the covers and read a few pages of my book, check my Facebook and Twitter on my phone, just in case I've missed something important overnight (I rarely have, but I have to just check, in case today is somehow different!). I then normally go in the shower, quickly before anyone else gets up, and then wake the rest of the family up. Breakfast is less of a habit, some days I confess I have breakfast, other days I skip out of the house without having any, depending on my mood, what's available and what I fancy. I often make a conscious decision to have a bacon butty, and a pot of proper fresh coffee, but if I do it's generally after the children have gone to school and before I settle down to my computer and start writing.

I enjoy having a tidy and clean home, although am not always very conducive to this kind of environment, having the habit of taking my clothes off on an evening and dropping everything on the floor, when only a couple of seconds extra time could see me putting the dirty things in the laundry pile and the clean enough to wear another day things to go on a hanger and be hung up. All habits, but what a difference each option would make. I find that one habit leads to another. Hanging things up and putting things away makes it easier to find things again in the morning, make it more likely to be washed if it's dirty. Having a clear floor means that it's easier to vacuum, I can simply go in their with the vacuum and clean rather than having to tidy first and then clean. If I put shampoo bottles back in the cupboard when I've finished my shower, I can give the surfaces in the bathroom a quick wipe over rather than having to move anything before I start. If I do the washing up straight after a meal, I can come down in the morning and have a clear space to work, and am more likely to be able to cook something from scratch the next day. If the pots have been cleared from the coffee table and the cushions tidied and straightened before I go to bed, I can feel confident that whenever someone comes to the door I could, should I wish, invite them in for a coffee. One simple change is often enough to make the rest of the things you do click into place. It's like a domino effect.

Simple things you can do to make a big difference include hanging up your coat or blazer as you come in from work/school, putting shoes where you can find them again in the morning. Have specific places for keys and bags and wallets. Have a dedicated place to sort mail, pay bills etc. Have an ongoing shopping list so you know what to order from the online supermarket. Spend a few minutes before bed making the main living room look presentable, it doesn't need a thorough clean, just enough to make it look habitable. A quick squirt of bleach down the loo, a quick wipe of the sink and bath, washing the pots and wiping the work top makes such a difference to everything else. Taking note of what you spend, making meal plans, knowing what you're hoping to spend each day before you go and spend it, also makes a huge difference. Working with cash can also help, because then you have hard evidence of how much money you have available to you. Having a calendar where you note down your appointments and which you check regularly can also help a great deal. Putting your bills and in comings onto an online calendar with repeating events can help you keep track of what payments need to be made and when they need to be paid, so you can see more easily what you've got available to you at any given point.

Make things happen!

Is there one step you can take today towards your biggest life goal? Or one tiny chore that would make the difference to your week? It could be one phone call, meeting someone who can help you, putting something away or introducing a new method for doing something. Anything that truly makes a difference.


 If you have more time you could set aside a whole day to make a big difference, this could be throwing away old outdated items, sorting out your wardrobe so that the things you do wear fit in it and the things you can't fit into any more end up at the charity shop, on an auction site or advertised in your newsagents window! It could be looking for a new job instead of grumbling about your current job, or going for a long walk instead of obsessing about your weight!


It just takes one thing to start the ball rolling and before you know it your whole life has changed for the better. The clothes that are now hanging in your wardrobe, instead of lying on the floor, means that tomorrow before work you can find an outfit easily which means you have time to have a proper breakfast rather than grabbing a piece of fruit on your way out of the door. It means that you can spend the time you would normally loose doing something you enjoy

. Or alternatively doing something else which would make a difference to your life tomorrow. It could be sitting down and planning what meals you're going to prepare this week and placing an order with an online supermarket which means that the time you save you can spend having that manicure you've been dreaming of for months now. It means that you won't get caught out by sneaky calorific chocolate bars that normally find their own way into your trolley, which means that you save money and time and end up with great looking nails. This makes you feel better about yourself and allows you even more time to do things that make you happy.

 All by taking one small step to make a difference. So make a difference today.