Call to action!

Doing little things every day all adds up to a BIG future

Now is the time to actively design your future. Think long and hard about what you truly want. Are you currently happy as you are? What would it take to make you happy? Whatever is on your list, start finding a way to weave it into you life.

Plan your trip!
Plan your next move carefully. Often we lollups around from day to day, simply existing without any true idea of what we're going to do next, where we'd like to be, or how we're going to get there. You wouldn't start a holiday to Paris by simply turning left or right from the end of your street, (well I guess you COULD and you might have fun, but it would take you much longer to get to where you wanted to be if you did). Life is pretty much the same. You have to take charge of it. Steer it in the direction you want to go. Work out where you want to be then take steps to getting there.

Each day take a step closer to your goal. If you want to live in a nicer house for instance, spend time each day making your current home sparkle. Add key touches to transform it from something ordinary to something extraordinary. You don't have to spend a fortune doing this, you can do it simply and easily by keeping it clean and making small but vital changes to the way you present it. Take pride in it. If you need new furniture, measure up the space available and keep a note of this close to you, so if you see an item you'll know if it's likely to fit or not.

Land your dream job.If you're not satisfied with your current job write a list of the kind of job you want. Include in this list the types of things you would do in the day, how long your working hours are going to be, your pay structure, your work clothes, any benefits you want from your job, like a health scheme, or gym membership etc. Use visualisation and creative writing techniques to 'paint' a picture of the future you in this fabulous role. Use the present tense 'I work in a job that I love doing...' works better than thinking 'I want to work in a job that I love'.

Look carefully for options and opportunities. Often we are looking for a specific thing, when something fabulous goes completely unnoticed because we're not looking for it. Keep your eyes open for options and opportunities.

Admit to yourself what you truly want. What we want and what others think we want are often very different things. It's ok to admit the truth not only to yourself but to other people too.

Make it happen!

Is it all downhill from here?

I suddenly had a shock realization the other day. I like antiques! I crave china tea sets and shoes that don't hurt my feet. I hate trousers that nip my waist. I'm fed up of battling to choose between Cappuccino and Latte and that kind of thing when I go for a coffee. Talking of coffee, the last time I visited a pub, I ended up having a coffee rather than anything alcoholic. I can't decide whether it's because I am finally brave enough to admit to myself that I want what I want, rather than what society wants for me, or whether I am simply getting old and before you know it I will be looking for shoes with velcro, drooling over American tan tights, wanting comfortable elasticated waistbanded 'slacks' and pouring myself a Sherry before dinner. I hope it's not that, I hope instead that it's just that I have finally found my own unique style.

From an early age I was encouraged to think for myself, to be an individual and dare to be different. As a teenager it was hard to do this. Teenagers can be vile creatures, picking up on the least sign of difference and using it as a weapon to hurt you with.  I always wanted to set the trends (though I was never brave enough to do it ). Even now I want to hack a new path through the forest of choices out there and find something different and interesting, a point of interest. I don't want to be like one lady I know who got as far as about page 27 of a furniture catalogue and ordered the entire page.

I like to see the beauty in things, especially things that are not traditionally what you would describe as beautiful. There is a power station just up the coast which sits more or less on the edge of the beach. It's not beautiful as such, in fact you could argue that it is a bit of an eye sore really. A blot on the landscape. But I love it, it has such power, such beauty. Yet it's beauty is something that maybe not everyone can appreciate.

Next time I am up that way I will take a photograph and share it with you. Maybe you'll be able to see the beauty of it too.

What treasures are on your doorstep?

The other week, a friend of mine said she couldn't afford a holiday. Well you know what I'm like, always finding a way, even when it doesn't seem that possible. So I suggested on her going on a little mini holiday in her home town. Doing the touristy bit , having a lay in maybe, taking a walk, stopping off for afternoon tea, something nice for dinner, that kind of thing.

This got me thinking. What was there on MY doorstep? I am the sort of person who not only parks in the same car park, but often I park in the same space in the same car park (due to the fact my head is generally so full of ideas if I don't, I probably won't find the car again). In fact once many moons ago I not only got the wrong level, I got the wrong car park too! Oops.

Anyway I decided to take a break from parking my car in the same space in the same car park and go park somewhere else. I parked at the other end of town and decided to visit our local museum. That didn't take long, so I thought I'd potter round town, look in a few charity shops for bargains to feed my new Shabby Chic-ing everything that stays still long enough habit.

On my travels I found a lovely shop selling all kinds of colourful stuff, practical things made in the most pretty, brightly coloured way imaginable. I walked down a little snicket and found a gorgeous shop selling candles and homewares and gifts, a couple of tea rooms that I previously hadn't known existed.

Then I found a little doorway, with an arrow pointing up the stairs. I hadn't much hope for it, expecting it to be a single room above another shop, probably with an old lady manning it. Boy was I in for a shock. Upstairs was a warren of tiny antique shops selling everything from china to glass to watches, furniture, antiques, artwork, trinkets, jewelry and bric a brac. It was fabulous. I was beginning to regret only getting a couple of hours on my parking, really there was something there for everyone and I could have spent all day looking. It was so nice to find something this interesting on my doorstep, tucked away in a little alley, above a shop.

I wonder now what other treasures I've been missing out on over the years, always going the same way, doing the same things, parking in the same parking space..

I am here... (a poem for the bereaved)

 I am here

Just because you can’t see me, doesn’t mean I’ve gone.

No, my love, I’m here for you, whispering in your ear.

Find me in the wind that blows, floating the air.

See me in the sun that shines, to make your path more clear 

See me in the moonlight, shining all around,

Find me in the frost at night, covering the ground,

I am in the morning, and the evening too,

I am here beside you, thinking of you. 

I am here for you my friend, 

So do not shed a tear,

I’ll be with you forever more, 

So don’t forget I’m near.

Thank you for the love we shared,

The laughter and the tears,

Thank you for the memories, over the all years,

Thank you for being with me, in my darkest days,

Thank you for caring, in so many ways,

I’ll be with you forever more, 

So don’t forget I’m near.

I am here for you my friend, 

So do not shed a tear.

© Copyright Sarah Cooper. 2013

The 'Wrong jeans'

When I was at school I simply HATED non uniform day. Had I been a tad braver than I was I would have braved going to school in my uniform to save the embarrassment of the whole having the wrong clothes thing.

Personally I have always dressed for warmth and comfort and been happy to wear whatever fitted and felt nice on, rather than religiously following fashion. Which as a teenager didn't go down too well. In order to be cool you had to look a certain way, be a certain way, like certain things. Unlike me.

There was a girl in my form who was always horrible to me on non uniform day in particular. I always had 'the wrong jeans'. She used to laugh at me, and tell me how horrible I looked. She was lucky, she was pretty, petite and had the 'right jeans' (if there is such an item of clothing). No one laughed at her. Ever. She was cool, popular, everything I was not. I envied her. I wished she'd like me. At the time I thought that she didn't like me because I didn't have the right clothes. That I didn't fit in.  Now I realise that it wouldn't matter WHAT I wore. She wouldn't like me. I wouldn't like her that much either. We had nothing in common.

 I firmly believe that in every encounter we learn something and for years I have been puzzling what she taught me. Now I get it. She taught me that people form an opinion of you based on what you're wearing, the 'you' that you project out to the world. Rightly or wrongly it happens the world over. She taught me that people who don't like you because you don't have the 'right' accessories or look, certainly aren't going to like you any more if you get the right accessories, that new designer handbag costing hundreds of pounds or a new flashy car. She also taught me not to judge myself or others based on outward appearance. You have to dig deeper, and base  your self worth on who you are not what you have. I get the impression that she was raised to believe that you are what you have, not who you are.

If you buy something to impress someone else, you're likely to end up with the same amount of friends and a smaller bank balance, that's all. Do you really want to be friends with someone so shallow?

Why shopping isn't the answer..

Realise your own value. Know that you can't add value to yourself by shopping. You are NOT what you buy. You are NOT your bank balance. You can surround yourself with stuff but it won't complete you or fill any holes. Know that you are perfect just the way you are. If you need to find a 'filler' it just proves that you have an EMOTIONAL hole to fill. Isolate the emotional hole and close the emotional gap. No amount of shopping, eating cakes and biscuits, drinking alcohol or coffee, or smoking fags is going to properly fill the gap. If you're eating because you're bored or shopping because you're lonely or drinking to drown out an emotional pain, take little tiny steps towards changing these and filling the emotional holes. Get a hobby, join a club, seek help. 

Remember that you are no worse and no better than anyone else and you're also not what anyone tells you you are. 

Live the life you want to lead, and address the emotional problems you have as they arise. Take a minute to work out what you truly want and take a small step towards getting it. 

Shopping isn't the answer. 

Change your interpretation, change your life.

Think about a conversation you've had with someone. Or a text or email that you've received, or a status update on social media. Now think how you interpreted it. Did you take it to be amusing, genuine, condescending, irritating, self-inflating, or just down right rude? If you interpreted it to be rude or condescending, your response will have been totally different to if you interpreted it to be amusing.

Life is very like this. We tend to listen to what someone says or watch what a person does and then we put our own interpretation on it. It doesn't matter much what the person actually meant by what they say or did, we act as if they meant what we think they meant by it.

Say your partner is working late (again) and the dinner you prepared is in the bin/oven/dog (again). You might interpret this to mean that he/she is having an affair, is avoiding you, is struggling at work, is dodging helping with the children, or possibly all of the above. In fact what you partner might be doing is trying to get extra money so you can afford that holiday you need, or to pay off the credit card bill.

You could interpret his/her lack of communication (if you'd known he/she'd be this late you'd have prepared a salad, or asked him/her to pick up a takeaway on the way home.) as rudeness or lack of respect. Or simply forgetfulness on their part. If you think that the person has simply genuinely forgotten or that it was probably the fault of the evil boss landing him with an extra urgent assignment half an hour before home time, you're going to feel less angry than if you partner has shown numerous times that he doesn't value your time or effort.

The key here is to find out what the person ACTUALLY means by their actions and then react. Rather than acting on what you think is happening (which might be completely the opposite to what IS actually happening).